How to Find Love Online and Keep It: What the Science Says

Psychologist Harry Rice is the Dean Professor of Arts, Sciences and Engineering at the University of Rochester North

New York State studies intimacy, intimacy theories, and personal attachment styles. Leading social psychologist.

Online Dating vs Traditional Dating: Which is Better?

According to Rice, apps or websites fordating does not guarantee that a person will find an ideal match thanks to algorithms. Now such services have abandoned their development. Rather, factors such as location, interests, life goals are important. This is also important. “If I were single, I would definitely use these sites,” he says.

According to a recent research reportPew Research Center, in the US, online dating is more common among the younger generation: 53% of adults under 30 say they have used special sites or applications. One in five adults under the age of 30 say they met their current spouse or partner through such services.

“You have to kiss a lot of frogs to find a prince,” he says. "And that's okay."

What should be considered in online dating?

Rice advises to treat information inonline profiles with a grain of salt. “Usually women claim to be a few years younger, and men a few inches,” he explains. But these are just averages. This does not mean that all users are hypocritical.

If you strive for perfection, you may find yourself alone.

Harry Rice

This will help you learn more.

Don't just reject potential candidatesdue to diverging interests. Weed out only those who are not 100% suitable - live thousands of kilometers away or do not correspond to basic values. Then connect with as many partners as possible and go on as many dates as possible, Reis advises. Make a few semi-random selections and see where that takes you. Don't make assumptions about a person simply based on what they write on their profile.

Similarity matters to a certain extent,but far from being a guarantee of a happy relationship. In fact, hanging out with someone whose interests are different from yours will help both partners grow, scientists explain. Instead of looking for someone who loves baseball just as much, open up to something new. “If someone loves the theater and you haven’t been to plays, it will be a new experience,” the researcher suggests.

What is the biggest mistake when looking for a partner online?

Too much attention is paid to appearance.Of course, attractiveness matters - whether it's an online acquaintance or a face-to-face meeting. However, most people consider the appearance of a candidate to be the main selection criterion. So they can mistakenly weed out a good candidate.

In addition, people superficially process information about another person without thinking about what he might actually be.

In short: slow down when swiping. Take time to read, think, feel.

Myths Truth About Romantic "Chemistry"

"Romantic chemistry is definitely important,"explains a researcher who recently published a paper on interpersonal chemistry. “But it’s definitely impossible to say whether it exists or not, based on a few minutes of interaction.” It takes time for it to appear.

Yes, most often romantic attraction occursrelatively quickly, although not necessarily instantaneously. However, many people go on first dates after a match in search of instant chemistry. The researcher recommends avoiding hasty judgments.

Sometimes the chemistry between two people is muchLater. Relationships can change, for example, friends become a couple in love. "Listen to the sensations, but don't expect magic to come out of thin air," Reis says.

Avoid the popular "suffocating model" of perfectRelationships The ideal is the enemy of the good. If you need a partner for life, pay less attention to appearance and do not expect the impossible, Reis advises.

According to him, in the 1950s people often foundpartner among neighbors, in a religious or social group. But in today's digital world, people tend to place higher demands on potential partners. The researchers called it "the suffocating relationship model." “People want the other person to be a sexual partner, best friend, confidant, parent, and financial partner. We want them to be everything to us. And these are terribly high expectations for us humans, ”the scientist emphasizes.

Make communication in relationships easier and easier.

Harry Rice

During one of Reis's studies, a participanttold him that he knew exactly how he wanted to see a future partner. He stated that if he could not find a 100% suitable person, he would prefer to be single. In some ways, online dating has contributed to the false notion of finding the perfect couple, offering a seemingly endless array of options.

Minor changes

You have found a partner for life (or at leastleast for now). How to make sure that mutual love continues? What makes couples stay together - for months, years, decades - and remain happy and satisfied? What do the studies say?

One of the most important factors, according to Reis,is the ability to resolve differences in a cooperative and supportive spirit without causing more harm. Another important strategy is to share positive experiences with your partner.

In a series of experiments, Reis discovered that whenpeople talked about the pleasant events that happened to them, with others, then they felt happier. This effect was stronger than just the impression after the event itself. And when the partner enthusiastically responded to the good news, the relationship developed better. This led to an increase in the well-being of both partners. Partners became closer and received more satisfaction from daily family life.

Research has shown that another trivial,but an effective way to connect with a partner is to talk about how the day went. When partners listen to each other, ask questions, show sympathy or enthusiasm, it brought them closer.

The main thing is to really listen to your partner. It's not so much about the conversation as it is about the feeling of intimacy and spending time together.

Harry Rice

When people first start dating, theycommunicate as often as possible to get to know each other. Over time, it is easy to lose focus on a partner at work, daily routine, household chores, raising children. But it's these little things that matter the most.

Important: common hobbies

While spouses (or partners) don't have to be clones of each other or do everything together, it's important to "be on the same wavelength." In part, this means enjoying a joint holiday.

Studies have shown that couples do well when they take up a new hobby together. As a rule, it should be something active - tennis, cooking lessons, dancing. The main thing is that it should be something new.

Так или иначе, если у вас есть потребность любить, не стоит сдаваться, заключает автор исследования.

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